Random musings of a wandering soul

Two things I’ve been working towards for quite sometime is done – moved to another job and my brother is married :-D.

Errr…that was just an excuse for being lazy, hope to be unlazy enough to write a little more often πŸ™‚ Thanks again, Nancy for never giving up πŸ™‚

Meeting friends and family after a long time was exciting and tiring too. One thing I realize is my patience is growing thinner and my tolerance levels are reducing at a very fast pace. Is that a sign of growing mature or old, I wonder!

Some of the new age parents that I happened to meet over the last two months makes me wonder what kind of a parent I am. We come from a generation where parents specially fathers were at a respectable distance, sometimes the wondrous benefactor, at times the frightful ogre who waits to pounce on us when we digress from the path that they set for us.Those days, the moment guests came on scene the lesser folks like us were banished to the netherlands, not to be heard or even seen. And woe behold anyone dumb enough to act smart to them in front of others.

Maybe I belong to another generation and an old school. In spite of being friends with the kids and giving them their space, we make it very clear where the line is – for everything. Crying and throwing tantrums doesn’t work, period. The drama might be acted out in public and I might be the demonic mother who doesn’t buy a chocolate for her kid, but that’s ok with me as long as my kids know what is allowed or expected and not. I still remember the day when I tried shouting back with loads of attitude at my mother. She didn’t utter a word till I finished my tirade. Then the lady turns around grandly and tells me, “I will talk to you again when you learn to treat me with respect”. It must be more than twenty five years now, but the day and her face is still as clear to me as a few minutes ago.

There is this little boy who is sitting crying from the morning. And guess why? The only thing he’ll have for breakfast is fried chicken! And his mother has sent her father off to buy chicken so that the boy will have ‘something to fill his stomach’. Then there is the couple who came visiting to my friend’s brand new apartment that she lovingly decorated over the course of more than a year. She was brave enough to have sofas covered in pristine white since her kids were relatively grown up and had the sense to know where they stand. The couple sauntered in with their three year old in tow who went straight to the refirgerator and plumped her hand into a gooey black forrest cake. Then she comes rushing back to her mother who is sitting demurely on the sofa…you can guess the rest! My friend’s daughter asks her, “Amma, if we had done something like this in some other house, you would have whacked us then and there. Why do you keep quiet?”
The next one started jumping up and down on our sofa screaming at the top of his lungs, threatening to kill his father – at 12 in the midnight!

I am far from being the perfect mother and my kids are further away from being a saint or an angel. They keep getting into and sometimes creates situations – some accidental, some deliberate and certain others I don’t even what to think about. My question is, aren’t we as parents at least supposed to tell them what is right and not? And when words doesn’t seem to work, give them a kick in the right direction?

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Comments on: "Where do you draw the line?" (22)

  1. You are right ,i came to uk my parents came to see me I was still in awe of my dad an I knew if I dis something wrong he woukd have slapped me even then.

    But these days parents well many depend on a domestic help to raise their kids.. They cant look after them .. Why they produce them I dont know.

    Some kids are terrible I had a friend come to my home qith his 5 year old ,although he asked my permission to play on ps3 but when le lost a game he just threw the remote so hard ot landed on atable where we had our drinks the bottle crashed .. The remote does not work.. If it was my kid he had had it.. But the parents said nothing it was normal for them.. The mother and father did not even help to clean the mess.

    Put it this way I dont invite them to my home anymore…

  2. JayadevM said:

    Tiger Mom,

    I like the parting shot …. kick in the right direction!!

    Nikhil’s tantrums began after he became a teenager .. I guess it was the peer group he was with; put a lot of unnecessary pressure and expectation on the little mind!

    But you are right … kids behave when they receive the right message from their parents. Parents need to find more time for the little ones in the formative years.

    Let me leave you with a question … Do all parents know what are the messages to be delivered?

    Am glad to see you writing again.

    • Good question! When there is a coach for anything and everything these days, do you think that is a good business opportunity? “How to be the Tiger Mom” πŸ˜€

      • JayadevM said:

        Huge opportunity .. there are so many “Life Coaches” out there that you can’t miss even if you randomly chuck a stone.

        No, jokes apart, there are enough folks out there who are groping in the dark for the light switch …. you can help them for sure!

  3. You are quite right and your observations are spot on. These days the kids makes the rules and the parents follow them! That is the rule and parents who do the other way round are the exception.

    Loving one’s kids is fine; but spoiling them and turning them into selfish dictators who don’t care about anything else other than their own comforts is what is happening today. The result is that the new generation is becoming more self-centered, selfish and inconsiderate.

    I have seen kids ripping through good furniture, stamping on expensive sofas, tearing books, breaking crystal items, etc., and their parents doing nothing to stop them. The hosts suffer these behavior as they want to pay the perfect hosts and doesn’t want to ruin the day.

    But I am of the opinion is that in your house your rules should be followed. And if the visiting parents cannot control their children, you should. It is heartbreaking to see the kids playing with items, you have collected over many years, without any concern. As for me, I always give a piece of my mind and never allow kids to handle the items that I value.

    As to your question, it is the parents who should tell their kids what is right or wrong. And when words doesn’t seem to work a kick is fine. If the parents don’t do it, then someone else would do it for them and they won’t as gentle and careful.

    Nice post, Bindu. Was worth the wait. I was under the impression that I was the only one who felt like these as I collect a lot of things and am paranoid. Nice to know that their are other frustrated souls out there πŸ™‚

    • Thrilled to hear from you πŸ™‚
      You are absolutely right – in your house, it is your rules that count. I am patient to a certain extent and then to hell with what others think, even if I have invited them!
      And you have more company than you think in being frustrated πŸ™‚

  4. I am a parent of this generation and though I can’t say I am perfect or even right as a parent, I sure share your views on many parents these days giving a long rope when it comes to handling their kids. I am not sure if I can do the same at least when it comes to crossing the boundaries either in my house or (esp) in someone else’s house.
    Perhaps the democratic (?) way is adopted more to make up for the quantitative time spend with kids these days??
    I do feel many times that I may come across as a conservative parent as I do not give in to tantrums (mostly) and definitely think it is my duty to draw the line and see that the line is not crossed (at least at most times.) Of course am OK with it :-)))
    Thanks for dropping in at my blog, Bindu!

    • I don’t think it is about being perfect or conservative, it is as basic as what is right and wrong. These days that is the only thing that we can do – teach them the right things, prod them in the direction that you believe is true and leave the rest to God

  5. Most certainly I too am not a perfect father… but… some kids I see I seriously cannot believe how parents let them turn out like this… some 2 year olds also… know exactly how to black mail their parents… I sometimes wonder if I was just blessed to have my son who actually didnt do too many tantrums of that sort… although he did have his moments we always reasoned with him… he was never the sort who will just keep screaming till his wish was had… just yesterday in train in my compartment were 5 kids below 5 years of age and I tell you it was like hell !

    As such I dont like small kids too much and then the tantrums and the screams were too much !

    • I guess the kids know where and how it works. It used to be so funny how my daughter’s attitude changed the moment she enters her grandparent’s house. Here her tantrums are totally ignored. Thankfully, she seems to be changing for the better now. Tough journey for us parents πŸ™‚

  6. Thanks Nance for getting her here πŸ™‚ And u get back too pls!

    Welcome back πŸ™‚

    And I agree with u – we def. need to draw a line somewhere. I kind of have an OCD when it comes to keeping my house clean and organized. Ofcos, I don’t expect that kids don’t harm anything, but a couple who came over said their daughter would start shouting more if they asked her not to do something, and so chose not to do so !?! Where is that taking her I wonder!

    • Thanks Swaru πŸ™‚
      We are getting too scared of our kids these days. Seeing your kids crying can tug at your hearts, but as in all other things, we need to think in the long term. While trying to get by for a short time, we are creating monsters who are ill prepared to face life. Is it any wonder you can hear of kids committing suicide at the drop of a hat?

  7. I have a nephew ,he had his 6th birthday last month . All his school friends were coming ,just when we reached the birthday venue..he looked at his mom with a serious look and said ‘ If you try to stop me from doing anything and insult me in front of my friends ,I will insult you in front of all your friends for the rest of my life ‘ 😐
    And no I did not exaggerate a thing here
    I think the kids today have definitely gone out of control ,may be its because we love them too much . I honestly shudder everytime I think about having a kid :/

    • But then Ritika, is that what you would call love? Just think of the harm that we are doing by keeping quiet. They may not listen to you now, but it will definitely make some impact. The very fact that the behaviour is not approved will start instilling the feelings of what is good and what is not. Whether they will listen to that voice is another question altogether πŸ™‚

  8. Congrats on the new job & the sibling’s marriage :-)!!!!

    The topic under discussion is a never-ending one……each of us have our own views. Even inside a family the father & mother tend to hold different views abt how children shd be raised, is it any wonder why children get away with most of the mess they create.
    In our house even words like ‘Get lost’ & ‘shutup'[substitute words are: go away & keep quiet:-P] are taboo, pepsi and gum are a no-no…..can I blame them for questioning me when they hear kids all around using these words carelessly & chewing gum & drinking coke. We’ve had endless arguments but I think it’s worth it because now they’ve reached a stage where they on their own politely refuse to have even when they are offered.

    Great to have U back Bindu………I enjoy what u write so I will never let u go without a fight, a small request tho…… just dont disappear again πŸ™‚

    • Thanks Nance πŸ™‚
      You are right, kids go haywire mostly when they contradicting indications fom their parents. When parents put up a united front whether or not they agree, it makes a lot of difference.
      My son has made his own code for shut up – ‘shoot it up’. He makes it sound so much like shut up , we are thinking of banning that too πŸ˜€
      As you can see, three posts in one week – I am compensating for the lost time πŸ˜‰

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